Mystified
by Agent Glitch
Summary: With every beat of my heart, I feel the distance between us lengthen. With every second, my soul endures a torture without you. Why aren't you coming back? I missed you.
1. Chapter 1

**m.y.s.t.i.f.i.e.d**

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**street intersection | cloudy sunset | pov: spencer**

Will he ever come back?

My heart cried. My heart longed, my heart desired, my heart wished, my heart hoped. My heart wanted him back.

But would he ever return?

Walls built from sorrow and grief blocked me from him. I couldn't contact him in any way. He was gone. And maybe, forever. The feeling of hopelessness rained down on me, thoughts of him weighing my shoulders down.

Blue lines of anticipation threaded their way through the dark grey sinews of my loneliness, stitching together a bond of mixed feelings. I wanted him back, but would he ever forgive me?

I loved him, with all my heart. I wanted him by my side, to support me, help me. I wanted him to speak to me, and tell me what he wanted from me, too. Because I had been so sure that what he wanted was me.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I had hurt him, but I had never done it on purpose. I wasn't ready then, but perhaps now I was. I was foolish to think that tweaking with his inner feelings would do good. Trying to crack the code and using all my effort to find the truth of his heart, that was useless. I had to tell him what I felt too. He would not have showed me his card before I opened mine.

Perhaps I had been too cautious. Too scared, too fearful. I wasn't ready yet then, but now, I was prepared. In a different dimension, we would be together, our love melded into a birdsong that echoed within us forever. But now, he was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it. He was no longer there to be with me.

Realizing that I had seen him as no more than a friend put me to shame. I had viewed him as an annoying hurdle in front of the finish line, or a tree blocking the road to my success. At the same time, though, he was the rain to my clouds, the heat to my flames. The gun to my holster, the cold to my ice.

For all I cared, he could take me away now. He could fly me to his moon, and together we would be. He could showcase the stars of his life, the darkness of his past, and I would help him go through it. He could be honest to me now. But maybe I couldn't.

A sea of sadness drowned me alive. A bolt of anger struck me. A volcano of my frustration erupted, magma fire surrounding me. I was caught in a delirium, unable to feel emotion anymore. He was gone, and I felt deathly empty. I was never going to see him again, was I? The pain was too great; the toll to large.

I deserved this. I deserved his departure. But he didn't. It was all my fault. If I hadn't rejected him in the first place, all this would never have happened. If only I could hit rewind and try this all over again.

Then I heard thunders from above. I looked up to see the drops of water from above, but made no move to find shelter. I kind of liked this feeling. The feeling of his loss draping curtains all over me. I couldn't say anything else.

He was gone, and it was all my fault.


	2. Chapter 2

**m.y.s.t.i.f.i.e.d**

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**street intersection | evening | pov: billy**

He was crying.

I had never seen him cry before. He truly missed me. I did, too, but I had been too hurt to ever come back. As the sun set, he still didn't stop crying. Diamond tears were glimmering down his vermilion cheeks. He sobbed, and every few seconds I head him murmur my name, his voice soft as the finest silk.

Shadows danced around him, the rain pouring down him. I wished I could apologize, but sorry was the hardest word to say. He's blaming himself, but it wasn't all his fault. I had overreacted. I didn't have to leave just because he rejected me so venomously.

I loved him, with all my heart. But I had pushed him beyond limits, for he wasn't ready for me then. Now, well, maybe we could have worked something out. I was a ghost, and he was a fourteen-year-old li'l video maker. It would have sounded weird in the beginning, but the world wouldn't judge us. True love was true love, and our love song would be what bound us together.

Grey skies, decorated with clouds, framed the moon. He looked up, as if he wanted to send a prayer to the disc of light. A memory conjured in my mind; the moon had been full when I had last confronted him.

Anger had displayed its mighty impact during those heart-burning moments. Shouts of fury, desperation, frustration, and a shattered promise. A promise that bound us together. Losing all my control, I had been blinded by the mental pain he had inflicted upon me. I tore his necklace from his neck, and ever since then, he refrained from touching anything that once belonged to me. It was almost impossible, but he no longer carried a token that would enable him to see me. So if I wanted to apologize, I would have to wait until he was ready.

Would he ever forgive me?

I was a ghost. Did that mean I was heartless, emotionless, and that I was even more selfish than when I was alive? I was just a soul floating aloft, defying the rules of the living. And yet, I still didn't get what I wanted: to be able to understand him, and find out what he truly wanted.

He shook his head and walled away into the pouring rain, and followed the streets, and I assumed that he was letting his mind free of the grief he had held in his little heart.

That heart would have been too small to keep such feelings trapped inside. He needed to let those feelings _go, _and not engulf himself with the agony that I had created. We both felt the impact.

If I still had a heart, it would be thudding hard against my chest. I wanted to say sorry. I've been gone for so long, away from him. He missed me too, I knew it. Little did he know that I was there all along, for I loved listening to even aspect of his empty life.

He didn't know it, but I enjoyed listening to that sweet tune when he hummed, that confident smile when he won in a mere video game. That adorable pout on his face when he lost an argument, and the smirk of leadership when he had the upper hand.

The way his hair stood up in wild spikes after a mess, or the unruly strands of brown that covered his eyes when he woke up. The surprise on his face when something unexpected occurred.

The was he ran with a grin on his face. The vicious way he spoke when he was close to a victory. The laughs that rang in my ears when he greeted me.

_Everything. _

But now, none of that was to be anymore. Not when I wasn't there. The rest of his life hung by a shoestring. He was miserable without me. And I was there watching, listening, alert, without his awareness.

I was so sorry. I could never sum it up to him.

Maybe I could do it now? My fingers tightened around the very necklace that he used to own. If I had put it on him, in all this rain, would he still accept my apology? I held my self-esteem too high if I wouldn't bow down to him. I _had _to talk to him, even if he wouldn't answer back.

If I had lungs, the air would rush straight through me. I still felt like I was taking the deepest breath yet.

From behind him, I carefully placed the necklace around his neck. He did not move; his entire figure went rigidly stiff. He did not dare look around.

I made sure the necklace was securely tied around his neck before I stepped back, and let my legs lift off the ground. Hovering above the sidewalk, I waited, anxiety biting at me.

He didn't turn around at all. He looked down, and I saw his reflection. His eyes were contemptuous. Like I had betrayed him. And he was right.

"It's you."

His voice was filled with rage and fury, but at the same time, sheer guilt. He refused to make eye contact, and I respected his choice. He spoke again.

"Well? Are you going to just stay there and stay as mute as a rock?"

Amusement touched his voice, making me sigh in relief. He knew I was here, and this time, he welcomed me to talk in the rain. I held his shoulder gently. Before anything, I had to make sure he wouldn't catch a cold.

"Come on, Spence. We'll take you home."

He chuckled. As if in response, the rain lightened up, until all that was left was a mere drizzle. He no longer hunched his back and had severe breakdowns every other minute, but moved with confidence and pride. He knew I was there for him.

Once we were home, all I did was wait while he finished drying up. I tucked him in gently. He was the one who broke the ice between us.

"You tore me apart, Billy."

I smiled. His eyes softened, and I stroked his head, pushing away a bit of hair from his eyes.

"I know."

We had so much to say to each other.

"And now I'll fix you back."


End file.
